Lessons Learned after 1 Year

I just returned last weekend from a trip to Frankenmuth, Michigan for mine and Shannon's one year anniversary. As we spent some much needed time together, we discussed all the change that we have been through in the last year. Even more than discussion, I have taken it a step further and truly began to reflect on what I have learned after one year of marriage. Here goes:

1. Give and Give - I really believe this is what marriage is about. Not about give and take, but about give and give. If I always give, and she always gives, then we will never have to worry about taking...does that make sense?
2. Confession - Whether I am sneaking around and eating the no-no late night snacks or sleeping in and not working out, I must confess all to my wife. Thus, she will never have room for doubt in my character.
3. Accountability - Who is keeping me accountable? I need to allow especially my wife to speak into my life to help mold me and shape me. This leads into the next one.
4. Growth - You can never stop growing as a husband. You always have to be reassessing how you are doing and what you can do better in your marriage.
5. Work - Marriage is work. Wow! I wish I had a better handle on this before, but the emotion wears off and what is left is a choice. Am I going to love her or not? It is a choice. A choice that has to be made every day when you wake up to love, and serve, and give.
6. Love - I really do love Shannon more and more everyday. That is what it is about at the end of the day. I love our differences and our similarities.

I could keep going, but those are just some of my thoughts as I reflect. What are your thoughts? Any ones you would add? Take away?

Baby Bradford

Ok so it's official. We are going to have a baby! Yes, Brian and Shannon are going to be parents...And how am I feeling...a little freaked out! AHHHH! I did not believe it until we actually went to the doctor. I had to ask the nurse if Shannon really was pregnant and she said, oh yes, it is a certainty! Is this really happening? Apparently so, and we are pumped, yet nervous. Shannon has had morning sickness about every day for 2 weeks now...definitely not fun and I want to fix everything but cannot. Thus, pretty frustrating for me at times because I want to make everything better for her. She is tired a lot and nauseated. But I hear that comes with the territory. Anyways, if you think of it, pray for her and us and the baby that all will go well. And if you have any pre-parenting advice, especially for me, let me know that as I can use all I can get.

747 Update

God is moving. That is the best way to sum it up. On September 3, God worked it out so that we could launch a new college service here at College Wesleyan called 747. I call it 747 because it starts at 7:47pm on Sunday nights. From the very beginning, I committed it to God and He began to work. The first Sunday we had 40 students. Then, we had 80. On September 17, our kickoff night, we had 130! Since then we have averaged about 80 students. I cannot wait to see what He will continue to do with the service as we have an all worship night coming this Sunday night.
If you think of it, please add it to your prayer list as I feel God will only continue to grow it and bless it if prayer happens.

Teaching, Preaching, and Reuniting

Regarding teaching, I felt like I hit a stride this week. Yesterday, I lectured on the Good Samaritan in my New Testament Survey class and talked about how it is really about racism and sin in the life of highly religious persons. Wow! Talk about social dynamite. It was truly a class that I loved.
Regarding Preaching, our 747 college venue service here at CWC has just been exploding. The first week we had 40, second week we had 80, and now this past week, we had about 120-130. And this past week, I really felt God used the worship and the my message to speak to the students, but also to myself! I was so much more confident in the Word God gave me, which makes all the difference in the world.
Regarding Reuniting, this weekend is my 10 year high school reunion and I am realizing what a great witnessing opportunity. I get to tell all these people what I do now for a living and how much I love God! I have not seen many of these persons in years. Now I just have to choose if I am going to be quiet about my faith, or be bold when the situation arises and share the love of God that I have in my life. My prayer is for boldness and spiritual wisdom and discernment this weekend.

Random Thoughts about Random Things

I usually write more serious blogs, but it is after 11pm and I am dead. I have to teach in the morning at 7:50am and need to sleep, but am having late night random thoughts like:
1. I do believe God has a sense of humor - i.e. I hated 7:50's in college and now I am teaching one. I have a kid in the back who sleeps sometimes but I have not had the heart to wake him yet as I keep thinking how I was that guy at one point :)
2. Do American primary and secondary schools not teach kids how to write papers. I am in the process of grading reflection papers right now and it is unreal how many students make simple grammatical mistakes that kill them. Where are the grammar teachers?
3. I love my wife!
4. I absolutely love what I am doing? Can you say that about your job, ministry, life? I sure hope so.
5. I feel so blessed right now. I have a great wife, amazing job, wonderful parents and family...God is good!
6. LSU Tigers are 6 in the nation right now in football and are moving up after their win over Auburn this week.
7. I am headed back in 1 week to my 10 year high school reunion...what! are you kidding! 10 years! I am getting old for sure!
8. We launched a new college service/venue here at CWC called 747 and for the second week since its existence we doubled in size to almost 100...our big kickoff is this week so pray for that if you can.
Well I am off but let me know any randoms you would add here...I promise the next blog will be more focused...

When the Dream Becomes Reality

We all have these dreams. You have them. I have them. One of mine for years was to teach at my alma mater, Indiana Wesleyan University. Well, I just found out not long ago that this fall, I will be teaching 2 classes of introductory New Testament. After my meeting with the division chair, it began to sink in that finally my dream has become a small reality.
I say small reality because I am simply teaching 2 classes, thus I am considered an "adjunct" faculty member. However, I believe this will be to my benefit since I have never taught on a regular basis before, and I do have a full-time job outside of teaching these 2 classes.
In writing this piece, I have been reflecting on what happens in our lives when our dreams become reality. Are we satisfied? What emotions do we have? Do we feel competent in this new reality?
I know right now I am tremendously excited, but also exceptionally nervous. I am excited because on every Tuesday and Thursday from 7:50am-9:15am and 12:05pm-1:30pm I will have the opportunity to open the New Testament up to freshmen in college who may have never seen the Bible in an in depth way or who may not even be Christians. I am excited because I feel as though I can build on what I liked from previous professors, but also what I did not like from previous professors. I am excited because I get to grow with my students as well. When they are studying the New Testament, I am studying the New Testament! Maybe I can even motivate them so much that some come out of the class with a new faith in Christ or even a call to the ministry.
However, I am also nervous. How will I do with classroom management? Will the students actually learn tons about the New Testament? Will I be too hard? Too easy? I also struggle with insecurity since I am not a Biblical scholar, yet I am a little further along the journey than these students will be, thus I feel as though I can bring something to the table that they will learn and be motivated.
All said, I will never cease to be amazed at how God brings our dreams to reality. My prayer is that we all can write a blog like this one. And may we never cease to dream, or share our dreams with others and with God.

About Time...

It is about time...that is what I say...I have not posted in almost 2 months, thus making it about time I post. All said, the last few months have been a whirlwind of an experience for my wife and myself. We have gone from employed, to unemployed (which is where we are currently), to soon to be employed again at College Wesleyan Church in Marion, Indiana. There I will be in charge of all collegiate ministries along with a few other duties. I am soooo excited to begin there in August 2006. It will be nice to finally have an answer to what God has been trying to tell myself and Shannon. Essentially I have had to learn what to do when God says No! You see, I resigned my position at Spring Lake Wesleyan as high school pastor to pursue doctorate studies. But when no studies worked out and I was without a job, I began to wonder what God was doing. Finally I learned that He said no to the timing, no necessarily to the career path. I still am quite passionate about returning to academic life one day, but I am realizing it will not be now. It always seems to work this way you know. You map life out in one way, and God maps it out differently. I just preached at the North Michigan District High School Youth Camp and spoke out of Luke 5:1-11. It was there I learned that, as so often happens, that message was for me. You see, these 3 guys thought they would simply be fisherman all their lives. HOwever, Christ had different plans. Funny how that happens...But then that begs the question, "why make plans at all if God is going to just change them last minute?" But maybe that is just part of the journey...either way...I am just glad God provided, and in a way that is quite exciting!

It's Official

It's official...I am leaving my current job here at Spring Lake Wesleyan Church. Effective June 11th, my tenure here will be over. I will have served here 3 years. Crazy to think that I have been here 3 years as they have simply flown by...However, I was tremendously surprised by what happened yesterday. We announced to the entire church that we (Nate and I both) will be leaving, and in every service, people stood up and clapped and came down and prayed for us. I say surprised because you never really think you have that much of an impact on people until you leave. As a pastor, you rarely hear it from people while you are in the trenches and serving on a daily basis. However, when you leave, it is different. People bring out stories and moments that you had forgotten that had somehow impacted their lives. It is pretty amazing.
On another note, I was tremendously drained physically and emotionally after the morning services. I just wanted to go home and take a nap, and then today I began to think. Is that normal? Whenever people leave a job that they have really invested in and died to, is it normal to be drained and dead after you make the big announcement? Also, I am wondering if it would be wierd to throw a party for myself? I have been contemplating that, and wondering if that would be unethical or not? Any ideas?
In the end, I cannot say enough about this church and its leadership. Anyone who could get a shot at working here, take it! The staff is great and so is the leadership. Great kids as well. And I am learning that is what you miss when you leave a church...the people. Sure, you will miss the crazy games and fun times at camp, etc. But it is the people that connect you to a place and a job. Especially those you never really thought you had an impact on...until they come up to you crying, and you are sitting here going, "Did I really make that much of a difference in their life?"
On to the scary part, I am looking at going back to school to get my doctorate, but have not been accepted anywhere. As a matter of fact, I have been rejected at 3 schools, with 2 yet to let me know my status. Thus, if I do not get in anywhere, who knows what I will be doing in the fall. Anyone know of any good fast food places in need of workers? ha!
Let me know your thoughts and advice...

The Last Word

Having the last word is usually a pride thing for most people. They always "have to have the last word in edge wise." In my most recent case however, it was a little different. Having the last word was something I would have loved to defer for sure. Instead of the traditional last word, I had to say the last word(s) at a funeral. Granted, I have done several funerals since entering into full time ministry, however none like this. I never personally met the deceased man nor his family. Also, he was in his forties and committed suicide. Ouch! Lastly, he had HIV and was homosexual. So, I began to think and pray. What could I say? What should I say? In the end, I feel as though it totally worked out, and it was a God thing that I presided over the funeral proceedings. I say that because my uncle committed suicide as well. Thus, I could be honest when I told the family, "I know what you are going through."
Here is my question to you. What would you say in this situation? How would you respond? Have you ever been in this situation? What would you say if you had the ultimate responsibility of having the Last Word as God's representative to the family of a man suffering from HIV that committed suicide? What would you say about God's thoughts? Or would you say?

Dare to Be the Dream

Do you ever dream? No, I mean really dream. If so, what do you dream about? I sat down one night and put to pen some of my dreams regarding my youth ministry and youth ministry in general. Here are the resulting questions that came out of that dream session. What do I want it to be? What is it now? Where should it be going? Am I leading correctly? etc. Then, I began to think...are these dreams that I have actually lining up with my ministry? What would that look like if they did? In order for my dreams to become reality, here are twelve dreams that I would have to dream. And I would not only have to dream them, but also make them become reality. Thus, if my dreams were going to become reality, then I would have to dare to...

1. Keep the Bar High! So often in the ministry, we as pastors do not raise the bar of leadership or even keep it the same. Instead, we lower it a little so as to have bigger numbers or because we do not want to hold people accountable. Kids need leaders, and one’s that are committed.
2. Address Conflict. This is huge. I would say that a huge chunk of my time as a high school pastor is spent here. Whether it is between students and leaders, students and students, or leaders and leaders, pastors must confront! Without confrontation, your ministry will suffer.
3. Preach the Word. 2 Timothy 4:2 says “Preach the word of God.” This begs the question that there is other activities we can engage in besides preaching the Word. However, what students need most from us is not more videos (although great in their own right) or cool skits or games, but God’s Word. That is what the world simply cannot offer them.
4. Encourage (and be encouraged). 1 Thessalonians 5:11 states “So encourage each other and build each other up...” You must encourage your students and leaders! Find ways to do it, i.e. emails, notes, encouragement circles, spoken words, etc. There can be no substitute for this. Conversely, you as a pastor need to receive encouragement from others. Sometimes, we are the worse at receiving gifts, especially encouragement.
5. Network, Network, Network. Find out who the local pastors are in your area and set up a monthly meeting with them. Share ideas and frustrations, as this could and should be a safe place for both to occur. Be Proactive and connect!
6. Seek Higher Education. Both Jesus and Paul were students of the Word before they ever ministered to others. Our middle school pastor, who barely made it through high school and college, has begun his master’s now, and it’s paying off. He is currently running over 350 middle schoolers in a church of 1300. This will also help guard against burnout.
7. Take Time Off. Burnout is a ministerial pandemic in our country. I have heard as high as 1600 ministers a month opt out of the ministry! The sober reality is, when you leave your current post, there is another talent just waiting to replace you. Now, I am not saying be lazy, but force yourself to take your days off and vacations. It will pay huge dividends down the road…and your family will thank me for it.
8. Lead Up (and not just down)! Nate, our middle school pastor, hung out with Bo Boshers last year (student ministries director at Willow Creek Community Church). Bo challenged him to not only lead those under him, but to also lead his senior pastor, executive pastor, etc. when possible. Don’t be scared! Speak up and lead!
9. Practice the Presence of God. I stole this point directly from Brother Laurence’s book title, but it fits my purpose. Frequently, pastor’s are the worst at “smoking what they’re selling.” Without spending regular time in the Word and in prayer, you will not be in the ministry for long! As Pastor Dave Stone, speaking pastor at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky, a church of 18,000, stated, “There is a grave danger in substituting activity for personal spiritual development.” Remember, Jesus never ran from town to town.
10. Take Risks. Fail at something! Nothing has built more character and faith in my life than when I had 2 kids sign up for my senior trip. Although there is a fear in continuing to change, you can never stop changing, as change is beneficial if it serves a purpose.
11. Receive constructive criticism. When is the last time you had a student critique your message or a leader share his/her dislikes about the ministry? A Christian leader will be criticized. As pastors, we have to realize that feedback is a gift! I have heard it said, “Maturity is moving from a thin skin and hard heart to a thick skin and a soft heart.” Evaluate criticism and see if there is truth in it, and then move on.
12. Ask for Help! Whether with your ministerial, marital, spiritual, or personal life, assistance is invaluable. However, sadly enough, we often let our pride get in the way and don’t seek help until it’s too late. Use others to sharpen you and your ministry.

So, to all those dreamers out there, keep dreaming. But don't be scared to put in the time and effort to see your dream become reality! Dare to Be the Dream!

Lessons in Losing

March Madness is here in full swing. I have my bracket already filled out and on my wall in my office. I am pumped! And when I think about college basketball this time of the year, I usually think about the winners. However, this year, I am reflecting more on the losers. I know a big factor in that was my church league basketball team. We just finished the season 2-5, last in the league. Also, I think my recent reflections on losing has a lot to do with not just sports, but also real life losing that I have been exposed to lately. I can count at least 5 persons I am connected with through friends and family members that have died, and not necessarily older individuals. This type of losing is never fun. Thus, in all my reflections, I have found a few lessons in losing.
1. Character - I truly feel that you learn more about people's character when they lose, than when they win. It was amazing for me to see some of my teammates attitudes in our church league games. There was a stark contrast with some of them during the games we lost as opposed to the games we won. I learned who were sore losers and who really owned the loss as opposed to blaming the refs or others. Aside from sports, I have seen true bonds be rekindled and built in my life and the lives of others who have lost loved ones. There have been some really impacting stories come out of these times of loss. Character was built. As an aside here, in winning connected with sports especially, I often find it produces just the character one should not have, i.e. arrogance, pride, etc. We all can point to those sports figures in the public eye here.
2. Connections - As I referred to above, unique bonds or connections are made during times of loss. Friends, cousins, and families of old are reunited and stories are told of yester year that pull everyone together. People often finally get real with each other. They share about their lives and inquire into others lives. In sports, when I lose, I find I have that desire to go again and do better next time, and often with the same guys...just to prove we can win.
3. Encouragement - Never before have I encouraged like I have recently. I encouraged friends and family when they lost someone close to them. I was there for them as much as I could. I, verbally, every minute of the game, would admonish and encourage my teammates, highlighting their positive moments. This one aspect of losing can be invaluable, and often it is not even what you say, but what you do. Just a presence can be more powerful than a spoken word.
4. Reflection - When loss occurs, many become reflective. They look back over their past and see what they have or have not done, and whether or not that is satisfactory. Frequently, I find this can be a positive when positive action results (see number 5 below). Also, if this happens spiritually, it can be a monumentous event. In my limited experience here, I find individuals, when they reflect spiritually in times of loss, either grow and draw closer to Christ, or move further away.
5. Ambition - Especially in a loss, I find that people often work harder than ever before. Now granted, some do quit. However, I know I want to work harder to do better next time. I want to change what did not work to see what will work.
Overall, I have found that there are so many lessons in losing. Winning is great. Don't get me wrong. But it is in the losses, and not my wins, that have built my character, formed new connections and relationships with others, shared encouragement, and even had me reflect and grow in my ambition. I know there are others benefits potentially, but these are ones I have found. Any other ideas?

The guys - wedding pic

Nothing compares to having strong brothers around you that you feel honored to have stand beside you...the greatest feeling! Invest in these guys as they invest in you...it will pay huge dividends when you need it to...
Paul - thanks for being my best man...you have meant so much to me in my life. Thanks for teaching me how to shoot pool, connect with the lost, have fun, and mentor others. We have made some great memories together that will last a lifetime.
Nate - you easily could have filled in if Paul would have been indisposed. You are the best encourager any man would want...I love ya man for all your leadership and investment and ability to speak truth into my life. And to the best middle school youth pastor in the country! Hands down!
Boyer - Dude we go back way to far...freshman year when we were sweet mates...I miss seeing you around man...even though we are relatively close we need to hang more...U have taught me what it means to be patient, and pursue God in any and all situations...I count it a privilege to be a friend and old roommate of yours...and you still bring me to tears with your singing and guitar playing...thanks for singing in my wedding as well.
Big Purv - What can i say, you made a huge sacrifice to be there on my special day, but you did it...love ya man and it has been amazing to see the changes in your life. At every turn, you allow God to be exactly what He is supposed to be in our lives, a sculptor. I want to be more like you in that way...and to the best baller I know...I have always admired your discipline and work ethic...you will do great things in the ministry.
Landy - You are my big fan dude. I know i can always count on you for your encouragement and input in my life. You are always a phone call away man and thanks for always pursuing me and being there when I need a brother to chat with...I cannot wait to see the woman you end up with....she will be blessed.
Quinn - My new bro-in-law. I am quickly realizing how deep you are man. You think and delve into issues most don't, and for that, I appreciate you....you are also a gifted writer who will one day use that for great things, I am confident of that. Also I can see where you will always be a good friend and I look forward to that.
Crossman - My Nashville brother - Thank you for making the sacrifice to come all the way up here to attend my special day...a huge sacrifice on your part I know. To the most real guy I know...I continually endeavor to be more and more like you in that way...you will and have had a huge impact on so many because of your ability and giftedness to be open and honest...loved ya since the first day I met you in the IWU game room with your proud sis.
Scotty C - My seminary brother - We go back 6 years...craziness...all the way to Trunky T, Chancellor Pope, and your buddy in the cafe that you worked with there! ha! Love ya man and I hate we don't get to see each other more. You are a committed friend that is dependable and follows through on his commitments, which seems simple, but is huge...I appreciate that about you man...

Prayer Time Wedding Pic

If you are thinking of getting married, I highly recommend this in your ceremony, especially if you want to cry. We had all of our wedding party gather round us and pray for us...made me ball like a baby...

The Kiss

Ok so I know it is kinda mushy and such but this was my favorite kiss ever...for sure! And definitely my most public! Ah!!! Marriage is so great and I cannot wait until Valentine's Day when I can totally go all out and lavish my wife! Hey, that's what husbands are for, right?

Michael Jackson and the Ministry

Ok so I know most of you are thinking, "What in the world does Michael J have to do with the ministry?" And you would be legitimate in your skeptism given his recent negative press, however a recent email from one of my students reminded me of the importance of Michael J in the ministry, especially youth ministry.
Giving some background, I have a student in my ministry that gave her heart to God at a retreat in junior high, but in the same weekend at the same church was sexually abused by a youth counselor. Needless to say, she has been distant to God ever since. Then last summer, she went on a road trip with myself and other students. There were 5 total in my car including myself. The trip was 4 hours and in that time I was able to indoctrinate these girls and guys with my favorite music...80s. Thus, the time was filled with plenty of Jefferson Starship, The Outfield, and Michael Jackson. However, the trip was also filled with deep conversation about their struggles with drinking, smoking, and relationships. We are all real, including me, the pastor!
Since then, she has rededicated her life to Christ after much counseling, prayer, and accountability by myself, her friends, and her small group leader.
Fast forwarding to now, I received an email from her today telling me how her teacher played Michael J and 80s music in her class today. Consequently, it reminded her of the impact that I have had on her life. Now, truly, here is the extent of my interaction with her. Road trip, some counseling in my office, prayer, preaching to her and other teens every week at youth, and mostly finding other women to invest in her life. I honestly did not feel as though it was a ton, as I have invested much more in others, especially guys. However, she wrote me sharing how deep of an impact I have had on her life.
As I began to ponder where this first began, it all came back to the road trip and Michael J...Thus, my thoughts are these...
1. How do you capitalize on this more? How can you have more "road trips" in the ministry where deep connection and sharing takes place?
2. It is not the medium, but the message. It doesn't matter what medium you use (for me with this student it was 80s music), but that the message you send is the love of Christ that covers all and saves all.
3. Be real. In my sermons and the car ride, I was as real as I could be about my struggles, etc. in life without crossing any lines. Students appreciate this and it shows you have been there too!
4. Share your life. Allow others into who you are. If you like U2, share that. If you love to watch Seinfeld, talk about it. Whatever you love in life, talk about it...others will remember it.
5. Students are watching. Every thing I do or say, my students watch and see. Even the music I listen to, they remember!
Any thoughts, ideas? Let me know...anything more numbers to add past 5?

Married Life @1 month

Ok so it has been one month....AHHHH!!! To think I am actually married for one month now. Craziness! So I ask myself...what am I loving and what am I wishing were different....
Here are my thoughts.
Loving Thoughts...
1. Companionship - I always have someone to come home to (that is a girl and not just a roommate - ha). This is huge for me, as I rarely like to be alone anyway.
2. Spiritual Growth - I feel as this has been one of the biggest growth times in my life as a result of marriage. We read and pray every night!
3. Healthier Lifestyle - She cooks healthier than my prior fast food diet and we exert tons of energy everyday with each other, usually at night...haha!!!
Wishing thoughts...
1. Sleep - It has been hard for both of us to sleep at night. We toss and turn, as we had different sleeping preferences (i.e. noise, no noise, etc.) so this has been challenging.
2. Sacrifice - It is not about me anymore. I have to always think with her in mind with everything I do, i.e. spending money, planning trips, etc.
All said, I love it and hear it only gets better...thoughts? Does it only get better? Any ideas on the above points...from you marrieds or singles alike...